water, “What happened? Why am I alone?” Waking up in the morning is worse because often I have just dreamed that we were together. My reality meter must be reset once again. Sometimes I have dreamed that he was dying in my arms and then the morning feels like it just happened.
Nevertheless, I know that I know that I know that Patrick is more alive than he has ever been. He is without pain or sorrow or doubt. The veil has lifted for him and he sees Jesus face to face. I know that Patrick is with me still in every way but physically. I know that in God’s time Patrick and I will be together in every way, face to face with Jesus.
As alone as I feel, I must mention that God has given us an amazing family. My loving siblings Susan, Jane, Andy and his wife Laura Jean stand with me. We have lost our Dad, Jane’s husband Bill, our sister Jean, and her husband Dave. And it will soon be time for our precious Mom (b 1/12/1918) to go Home.
I am overwhelmed with the love and faithfulness of our four sons. Patrick was an awesome dad. Losing their dad so unexpectedly was such a blow for each and places them on their individual journeys of grief. Thank God for their beautiful, steadfast wives and for our adorable grandchildren who are messages from heaven that life moves forward. Thank you to Christopher & Miyuki & Emma in Hiroshima, John & Serena & Kurt in Albuquerque, Peter & Zoe & Kevin & Eva & Ella Rose in Wichita Falls (my new home) and David & Brittney & Anneliese & Hazel & Luna in Utrecht. I could not make it without you guys!
God gives grace and gently guides forward, but at times it has seemed as if He, too, has disappeared. I am on a journey in a lifelong process. At times I am able to know the Lord’s presence and hear his voice. I recently read John 11, the story of Lazarus’ death and call back to life.
This familiar story spoke to me as never before. Jesus did not weep as one friend who lost another. He did not cry for Lazarus. Jesus wept for the grief of the mourners. He shared their grief. So often, Christendom rightly teaches us to partake in Christ’s sorrows. But there is another dimension. Jesus partakes in the sorrows of his children. Finally, I know that He not only understands my grieving heart, but that Jesus Christ, God Incarnate, is grieving with me.
I am an extremely private person. This blog is not intended to share my journey. My intentions are to share bits and pieces of Patrick’s life that will encourage others in their lives. Patrick was one-of-a-kind! A man of tremendous faith in God, extreme passion for whom (or what) ever he loved: from God, to me, to our children and grandchildren, to music, to art, to dogs, to chocolate. He was the most brilliant musician I have known, a genius with quirks, with compassion, kindness, and undaunted courage.
Thank you, dear friends, very much for your prayers for my life’s journey. I ask that your prayers include my journey through his dozens of journals. Lord, may I include the words and thoughts of Patrick that will encourage us to seek to know God, to share His love with others, and to appreciate the joys, adventures, beauty, tears, and smiles you bring our way.
Love, Faith, Hope, & Wit
From the life of
How One Life Affects Others...
October 2, 2019 marks the 18-month anniversary of Patrick’s entrance to his true and eternal home. Time has passed for me as if I were transported to the twilight zone. Nothing has seemed the same; all is unfamiliar...Almost a year passed before I was able to put up a picture of my Patrick. “Out of sight, out of mind” works in a superficial way, hiding the obvious. Visiting his grave is like a shocking slap in the face, “He’s gone!” Going to bed at night can be like an unexpected bucket of ice