THOUGHTS FROM A MUSICIAN'S HEART
In being asked to write a blog, I kept tossing back and forth between a few topics to share about. I wanted to write about my days in New York, how the Juilliard Christian Fellowship influenced me so greatly, or how Jesus pulled me through some of the rockiest storms. I wanted to write about my time in St. Louis, how in that one year I lost sight of what joy looks like because I didn’t prioritize church or my relationship with God while adjusting to a working life. Or I could have taken a trip down memory lane to share how the Lord brought me to the west coast for my first couple years of school, and how that was the biggest, best decision of my life, because that is the time I reconnected with Jesus and truly began my Christian walk.
Instead of focusing on a specific moment though, I’d like to share how all of these life experiences have led me to one conclusion, and that is found in John 6:35: “Jesus said to them, ““I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst.”” The same idea in John 4:7-15, where Jesus tells the Samaritan woman that what God gives us is eternal water, and we will not thirst again if we drink from the living water.
I’ve sought out different things throughout my life to fill the emptiness I felt in my heart. Violin competitions, praise from my teacher, having a smooth dating life, or maintaining a “perfect” image in my current job, to name a few. The things or people I’ve chased have continued to change, but the reason and solution never has. I was created to be in a deep union with Christ, and unless I seek out and cultivate the relationship daily, I slip easily into relying on other aspects of this earthly life to fill that hole.
I recently got married, and I truly deeply love my husband. We had a difficult journey to get to this point. It is quite a miracle that we ended up in marriage, and it is a very happy time in our lives. Even so, I have found that my husband cannot fulfill the hunger and thirst in my heart that is only satisfied with the nourishment that comes in intimacy with my Creator.
A current example of this in my life is how I feel performing a work concert vs playing worship at my church on Sundays. I do enjoy the spotlight of walking on stage, representing our orchestra, and being in a position of leadership. Those are good gifts from the Lord and not bad things. Concerts can be very thrilling, and even satisfying. But it never lasts long.
On Sundays, I play alongside with the youth who serve as the worship team. I sit in the very back. It’s not glamorous, and I am not featured. I am often physically exhausted coming off of a Saturday night concert and heading into a Sunday matinee. But I have never walked away from playing the church service feeling spiritually dry, and though I may be physically drained, He truly fills my cup that it overflows and reminds me again and again that I am only fully satisfied in His presence. God gave me the ability to play an instrument to exalt Him and His kingdom, and what a great Father He is that all whilst doing it He replenishes my soul and fills me, if my eyes are looking to Him.
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