Thoughts from a Musician's Heart

THE GRAND PAUSE--WHEN THE MUSIC STOPS

By Elizabeth Frazier

“We did find something.. Want to come and see?” The physiatrist motioned me over to

the x-ray image, my heart racing. Up until this point, my increasing neck & back pain

had become debilitating and one terrifying mystery.

My life as a professional violinist had been one seamless transition after the other.

I ended my undergraduate degree by touring parts of Spain, performing chamber

music in a variety of venues; it was dreamy. Two months later, I started graduate school

on a full-ride scholarship in the beautiful state of Oregon where I would continue

perfecting my knowledge of the violin in all things performance and pedagogy (and of

course take every opportunity to go hiking and soak in the stunning views of the wild

Pacific Ocean).

After graduating with a masters degree in hand, I headed to Northwest Idaho where I

would teach for the next two years, building a studio from the ground up.

It was all good until it wasn’t. My neck and back pain had become so bad that I

couldn’t play the violin for longer than five minutes. That, along with the doctor’s orders

to “put the violin down and do physical therapy,” was a clear sign that meant I would

be moving back home to focus on my health.

Fast forward five months and I was facing the answer to my pain that for so many

years lay hidden. “It looks like you have one extra cervical rib on each side of your

neck. Want to see?” The physiatrist motioned me over to the x-ray image. I don’t

remember the last time my heart pounded so hard and fast.

The Lord had brought me this far, He would surely bring me through.

I am now on the other side of one surgery and dangerously painful recovery and I can

say with David, “O God, who is like You? You, who have shown me great and severe

troubles shall revive me again and bring me up again from the depths of the earth. You

shall increase my greatness and comfort me again.” (Psalm 71:20)

God made us to find purpose and enjoyment in the work that we do, but where is God

when the music stops? How is there purpose when your main vocation is suddenly

taken away with no end in sight?

I have wrestled, I have grieved, but most importantly I have learned to walk when all I

wanted was to run. I know that the same God who gave me the gift of music is the

same God leading me now through two years of no violin. I have witnessed the Lord

working powerfully within me, upholding and sustaining me by His grace to persevere

and press on while I wait to see how this will all turn out.

How do you wait on God faithfully? With hopeful expectation of the good that will come out

of it all. (Romans8:28) He is behind the stage with me, helping me practice for another type

of concert, but boy, the repertoire exceeds that of any Tchaikovsky Concerto or Paganini Caprices!

As I face my second surgery (a few short weeks away), I am more confident than ever

that this Grand Pause in my life is “working for me an eternal weight of glory far beyond

all comparison.” (2 Corinthians 4:17)

Let me assure you friend that if you are also experiencing a similar providence, God is

not done with you. He promises to “complete that which concerns you.” (Psalm 138:8)

Not only that, but He will preserve you and help you to the very end. (Matthew 28:20, 1

Corinthians 1:8)

And so, with eager expectation and patient trust, I wait for the music to begin again.